I’m having a very difficult time lately with people and their amazing ability to shun their responsibilities. Over and over, I witness it. Over and over, I am amazed at how they do it with such ease. Over and over, it kind of makes me feel sick in my stomach. Over and over, I see a train wreck coming. I am suspecting someone very soon will be experiencing a very hard crash with reality.

And it isn’t me.

June 28th, 2009 | Category: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Many, many years ago when I was in highschool, we had to find a Canadian novel and write a report on it. I loved reading and writing and while most people picked The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz because it had dirty words and a pervert in it, I choose something different.

I choose Margaret Laurence’s, “The Diviners”.

Growing up, I never realised I lived a life different than any other. That was until I went to school that first day in the big city. Immediately, I wasn’t one to fit in. I wasn’t like the others. But, I didn’t know why I was different. Was it because I was from the country? Was it my funny clothes? My accent? I didn’t know. I was only 9 years old!

But then one day, I met a friend of mine. Her name was Jackie and she was Ojibwe. Her parents welcomed me into their home as though I was their daughter. I finally felt back to feeling ‘at home’. It was then I knew why I was different. I was native.

We didn’t grow up native … meaning, we didn’t go to pow-wows, we didn’t dress up in our regalia, we didn’t speak a language any other than english or french. But I knew this is who I was. But, I learned early about racism. I was white as a ghost, blonde as an albino and no one knew my secret. It was in highschool when I really realised how I didn’t fit into the ‘white construct’ and most of my friends were native. Of course, I felt a bit ashamed too. It’s hard to explain but I couldn’t BE who I wanted to be without it being uncomfortable for me. Living a lie is how I felt.

In college, I began to soul-search. And it wasn’t until in my twenties, did I become brave enough to encounter my past… including who I truly was. University however, was the turning point. It’s where I could take my self to the next level. I began to learn the ‘lingo’ and new levels of thinking. It’s where I dared to ask questions that I never would dare answer.

Finally? I was proud to be ME. I didn’t have to feel bad about who I was. Finally, things began to make sense. And, I did grow up native! I had a rich family around me, I had the stories, the gathering, the music… I had the people who were close to me. I had friends who accepted me no matter WHAT my mixed heritage was.  Martin calls me a “Mixican” and you know what? I love it…. because I am. Because, I acknowledge all of my backgrounds which have created me.

I was blessed to have a professor who in a fourth-year class, allowed me to write a paper about me. ME! I wrote 30 whole pages, about my background and my history. And my people’s history.

This is where I come full-circle to The Diviners. It’s a story about a Scottish woman who had a child with a french/native man. Just like my parents.  The daughter searches for her background. Just like me. She knows she is different. Just as I felt.  She knows in the end, who she is. So do I. And so, I’ve always felt that I had a special kinship… a special connection with Piquette. 

Perhaps one day, I shall too write my story.

June 25th, 2009 | Category: "The Book", Dreams, Spiritual | Comments (1)

I finally got to bed around 12:30 am this morning after only having 3 hours sleep the previous 48 hours. To boot, I was feeling very unwell last night and proceeded to have nightmares and twisted dreams all night long… it was a series of dreams actually, and in one (or two or more, I’m afraid to announce) I had a knock at the door.  Of course, in my dream I opened it and who was there?

Two people. One was my old friend Janine and the other was Paris Hilton. More »

June 22nd, 2009 | Tags: Christian, Friends, Paris Hilton, Weird Dreams | Category: 2009, Dreams, Healing | Leave a comment

Back in March, I got this absolute, stunningly brilliant idea to purchase a hamster for my classroom. I worked in the middle of nowhere so on March Break, I bought this little guy and we made the 12 hour journey to the Great White North. He is an awesome little travel companion who didn’t mind my singing, who walked happily on his little treadmill and slept the remainder of the time. We get along well and he promised to not have any late night parties which would keep me awake.

I named him Chuckles. More »

June 21st, 2009 | Tags: Chuckles, Photos, Uma | Category: 2009, Fur-babies | Leave a comment