July 29th, 2009 | Category: Uncategorized | Enter your password to view comments

Last year I happened to stumble onto a website, Fat Cyclist. Elden is the one-speed mountain’ bikin’ husband of Susan, a fierce, cancer fightin’ mother who has battled with dignity and power the past few years.

She is losing her battle to cancer as I read this afternoon. Seriously, these people are in my thoughts daily and I pray constantly for them. I’m not really a prayin’ person for other people (I’m kind of selfish that way) but for these people, I do.

http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/07/27/messed-up/

I can’t imagine what he is going through. I can’t imagine what it is like to lose your best friend. I can’t imagine what it is like to lose a mother. I can’t imagine the plethora of feelings that one has.

But, I can imagine that if I had a husband like him, that I could get through anything life would throw at me.

I pray one day, I could experience that kind of love.

His aunt left a very touching message and ended it by reminding Elden, Thy will be done.

I am just reminded constantly of my entry yesterday… and how appropriate it seems to fit here too…

By the way… Team Fatty (Elden and his commrades around the world!) have raised THIS YEAR ALONE $419,409 in the fight for cancer. If you could spare even just $5, please help. Let’s try to get this to $500,000… half a million dollars and give Susan the memory of doing so… WIN SUSAN!

July 27th, 2009 | Category: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Shakespeare once wrote in Hamlet, a beautiful line of poetry…

“For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: “

I was speaking to my friend Julia today about the progress I have been making with my running. I’ve managed to knock off a huge amount of time and I’m thrilled to death that I may actually be able to hit my target for September 5, 2009. The Canadian military strongly recommended ”minimum standard” for basic training is that you can eek out a time of 14:26 to complete a distance of 2.4 kms.  Listen. I’m 100 pounds overweight. That is NO easy feat, I promise you. But after just a few short weeks and not as much training as I should have done, I’ve managed to go from a start of 28:00 minutes (though, in all honesty it was closer to 29:00 but psychologically, I needed to lie to myself to get started) down to 23:00 as of this past evening. That’s in a span of less than two months. And that was with me being a severe slack-arse.

However… (and there’s always a ‘however’….)

Something has been changing within me. While I was speaking to Julia tonight, we mentioned the thought of doing this for the RIGHT reason. She said, “There is no right reason.” However, in this instance? There is an absolute COMPELLING reason. So,  I asked Julia tonight — Have I spoke about my dreams online?

She said I hadn’t.

Seriously? I haven’t TOLD you guys? As if! But then, perhaps I didn’t because I think you will all think I’m a certified nut-bar. Well…. time to become certifiable.

Ready? Here we go…

I don’t really know where to begin. I am trying to get into the army and for me to tell people that, without getting laughed at, is pretty hard. Listen, I am definitely 100 pounds overweight. But, I’ve never let that stop me from living my life. When I was in highschool, I wanted to join the army but didn’t think it was ‘normal’ for women to join. God, where was I on career day? I shouldn’t have skipped so many classes.

Let about a dozen years go by now (or more) and picture me having a gun pointed at me… I can’t get into details but while I did have some issues with it afterwards (but, there’s more to it than that but I can’t talk about it), when I was “in the moment” I had no panic, no stress, no worries… calm, cool and collected. You know what? I was so calm that I remember thinking to myself, “Wow… this is actually pretty normal feeling for me… like, I can do this. I could DO this job… I should be in the army or something…”

Everything kinda went to pot afterwards but I dreamt my way through things… I worked my way through what happened and then “it” started.

“It” being, THE dreams. The kind you can’t shake. Suddenly I was “in war” and “conflict”. I was normally someone who was rescuing someone else. I wore the Canadian army uniform. I was protecting women and children — usually in places covered in mud and water — and I was doing this constantly. This wasn’t one or two dreams. This was SERIOUSLY every single freakin’ night, for months on end. I still have them constantly. Sometimes I’m in basic training. Sometimes I’m on a train with others going to a region where we are going to protect. Sometimes I am in a plane. Sometimes I’m eating the crappy ration foods. But, always — I am in action and uniform.

I thought I was going seriously insane folks. But I prayed about it a lot and finally mustered the energy to talk to my chief about this. I had to ask what was going on…. and, it was then she told me that my family has a long line of warriors and suddenly, it made sense… total sense to me, what I am supposed to do. Some of it I can not reveal here because I feel my true intention is more than “just being a soldier”. I have a greater purpose that I can not write about but that once I am trained, will speak to someone in the military about.

Many First Nation’s believe in blood memories… this is where the spirits and memories of your ancestors, flow through your lifeblood and you just instinctively feel things… and my family — being warriors and protectors — flows through me as well.

And, not only on my aboriginal side but my other sides too. There hasn’t been a war we haven’t been involved in, in one way or another. My grandpa scotty was with the Scottish Highlanders (in Scotland) in World War II… my great-grandpa Wright was in the canadian army in The Great War…. my great-uncle also served… two of them have been POWs and one of them was a spy who vanished upon his return to Canada. And, my brother is serving as well now.

My dreams haven’t ceased. They continue on strongly and it’s impossible for me to describe even 1/100th of them to you. They’re incredibly realistic. They send a message to me each and every time.

And, this my friends? Is why after 13 years of “trying to lose weight”, something has changed. I’m not TRYING to lose weight really… I’m trying to get fit enough to fulfill the need that won’t leave me alone! *laughs* This is a desire that is stronger than anything I have ever felt. In fact,  I lose SLEEP often because of it. For example, it’s 6 am and I have yet to sleep… I’m so wired right now, I feel I could go run ANOTHER 6kms RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE.

Silly, I know. Maybe this is why I haven’t told you guys this. But, everything is leading me to this decision and I can’t help it but honestly believe that this is what I am meant to do… that this is my purpose… my new, purpose-driven life. And when your life has purpose, you change as a person. You do crazy things you never would have in your old, lazy days.  You begin to LIVE the dream.

I believe I may have wrote an entry once, in which I was praying for direction and suddenly on television, an aboriginal guy came on and said, ““Memories… life IS the memory, LIVE the memories…”

The memories I want to have, I have to live.  I can’t just think about them.

Part of my dream is to live the memories… to LIVE LIFE… to live a PURPOSE-DRIVEN life.

I’m not content sitting in the back seat anymore. I need to be up front. I need to be steering. And, I need to be steering into the right direction. When I die, I want to die knowing I accomplished all I was meant to accomplish during my time here on earth. Shakespeare did have it right. When you die after your time on earth, take time to reflect and to see what dreams may come…

 ”For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: “

July 27th, 2009 | Category: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Exhibit A: Ouch

Welcome to “Exhibit A”. Above you will see the brutal reminder of just how dangerous creme rinse is! Never under-estimate its power… its power to bring a grown woman to near tears! That happened yesterday.

The other two bruises? Not entirely sure, but they don’t hurt. I have a matching one on the other foot of one of the smaller ones so I imagine it’s from the new shoes I got and wore today on my hike…

They don’t hurt when I walk but the big one kind of just aches and feels like a pulled muscle.

D’oh! Who knew being that the pursuit of being beautiful could be so dangerous?

July 26th, 2009 | Category: Fitness, Healing | Leave a comment