I have always been a ‘helper’ person. I drive people everywhere they need driving. I help them through crises. I help financially. I help physically, if something needs moved. I never say no.

That is? Until now.

I have to say, this move has been quite interesting. I am learning so much about myself through it (though, sometimes? I could use a little bit of the not learning bit… which would be lovely).

I never ask for help. Hardly ever. But I asked this time. Because, my mom who has health issues and my diabetic brother and myself, couldn’t do it alone. I’m struggling through leaving my house behind. I had a hard time packing. I had a hard time making the travel arrangements. I have to fit 13 years of stuff in a 10×10 storage unit.

I have a lot of stuff that won’t be making the trip north. I didn’t have any help that people promised to offer. I didn’t have any help from those up north. Some were busy, or sick or whatever. That’s fine.

But of my nearly 100 “friends” I have in the northern city I’m moving to… and the 20-some friends down where I’m moving from? No one came to help. The one person who offered, is sick. I love her to pieces but her whole family is sick with the flu.

I think back to all the times I helped my ‘friends’. And all of the things that I have done for my ‘friends’. And in the end? No one helped me out back.

That’s okay. Like I said? I’ve learned a lot about me through this. I learned my mom with the health issues is an awesome packer and helped me a lot. I learned my diabetic brother can survive on a lot of sugar when he needs to lift heavy crap. I learned what it’s like having my ribs pushed into my lungs while I lift things much too heavy for me.

But that’s okay. We did it … mostly. It’s gonna take two trips and I’m half-way done. I enjoy working almost 18 hours straight in one day, to get it done.

I also will unfortunately need to learn how to enjoy saying NO to others.

No, I can’t give you a ride no more.

No, I won’t proof-read your papers.

No, I can’t lend you money no more.

No, I can’t help you move for a tenth time.

No, I can’t help you find a job.

No. No. No.

I wrote on my facebook an interesting message… “The pay it forward concept is a good one — unless you’re the one who is always paying it forward. I’m waiting for the sequel to the movie entitled, “Pay it Back.” Sometimes it’s good to pay things back.”

I will apologise to my ‘friends’ in advance for my future rudeness and blatant refusal to help out. I may or may not ask whilst making a decision on your requests, “What have you done for others lately?”

This is the new me. I’m sorry for it. But this is just me having to get through life on my own now. I can’t be sacrificing my time and energies and efforts on ‘friends’ who can’t help me out when I ask for it. I never ask… and if I asked, it’s because I really needed the help.

Time to finally focus on ME for a change.  Don’t like what you read? Then leave.

October 31st, 2009 | Category: Uncategorized | Comments (4)

This house could have been packed up in a day or two if I had Martin’s help to sort through things. But he refused to (most likely, his new girlfriend refused to let him come over because, she’s nice that way and enjoys dropping in unannounced too and then bitching to him about how the house is a mess, despite the fact I had been puking three days straight and had no energy to get off the couch and yet was still courteous enough to show the house to her and her friend who was going to try and rent it despite the fact I never wanted to see the face of this woman who then has the gull to complain about how the house is a mess, despite the fact I’m in the middle of PACKING the g-damned place and THEN because Uma was injured and there were two kids walking around I’ve never met and one of themI’m assuming had never met Uma, SOMEONE got bunched that I put her outside because I didn’t want Uma to get snappy so I’m trying to protect THEIR kids and then she goes and tells martin I’m being difficult because her daughter wanted to SEE Uma and then HE wants Uma back despite the fact he’s going to Afghanistan for 7 months because I was trying to protect their kids…. Okay, do you understand? For F-sakes, CALL before you come… I’m packing the g-damn house and it’s gonna be a mess because instead of trying to help me (AND YOURSELF) you decide to make things difficult. So, when you go to find something and you can’t and it’s because I packed it and it’s sitting in my storage up north? Well, for f-sake, you drive in the car two hours and pick it up. UGH.)

I woke up with a headache. My eyes are all dark around and I have ZERO energy.

The countdown is on for the truck to arrive, hoping some friends who promised to help me out with the packing actually come… I’m panicking and freaking a bit… I’m wondering how the hell did I accumulate all this stuff???? So, I’m hoping maybe some of the bags will just conveniently end up in the garbage tomorrow morning hehe…

I’m not having fun today.

And this is my blog. And I’m gonna write about it. If you don’t like it, close the little X in the corner, merci.

October 29th, 2009 | Category: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

… just finishing up packing my house, moving it and storing it up north. It’ll be quiet around here for a little while but soon will get back to you. When I’m settled in, I’ll start posting again!

Ciao!

October 27th, 2009 | Category: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

1. Doing it alone and having to sort through all my shit and his shit. I’m not packing his shit but lucky me — I’m the one who has to go through it all. I had asked we do it together because it would have taken just a day to go through everything. Now I have to use my discretion and figure out who gets what. Of course, we ALL know how this is going to turn out. Someone is going to wonder where HIS stuff is and all I will say is, “Come to the storage unit and YOU find it yourself. You had your chance.”
2. I loathe packing. I hate going through my stuff. And I wish I was more heartless and could just toss everything. But I don’t know where I’m going to end up and I’m afraid to toss out things. Plus, I don’t want to buy more stuff at a later point and would regret throwing out something just to end up purchasing a new one.  It also reminds me of my housefire when I was a kid. All of the stuff I collect and am hesitant to get rid of because I know loss. What if I have nothing again? I know in a way, starting over would be good… but still, I have a hard time letting go. Mostly it’s because of financial reasons. I worked 10 years at buying all this stuff… I can’t lose it all.
3. It’s amazing how many ‘things’ come up when it is time to pack. Like, the tub that suddenly needs to be cleaned, the floor that needs sweeping, the laundry that needs to get done… IT ISN”T IMPORTANT. Packing is. Meh.
4. Schedules are all off. My sleeping is off again because I can’t turn my brain off at night and going to bed at 5 am is the norm again. Just three weeks ago, that’s when I was waking up. It takes about… four days for me to get 12 hours off my schedule. Working out has taken a back seat. Eating isn’t the same.

I’m gonna have to fix this real quick. I have to go to Ottawa tomorrow so I only have tonight, Thursday and Friday to pack… maybe some of Saturday, depending. That sucks, big time. Grrrrrr.

Wish I could hide somewhere and just sleep the next week away, haha! Unfortunately, reality sets in pretty quick and I’d just be waking up next week and being REALLY behind with everything! I just want to get going and keep living life, moving onto the next thing. That’s what I have to focus on the next few days!!

October 27th, 2009 | Category: Uncategorized | Leave a comment