The past few days I’ve noticed a nice big difference in terms of how I am feeling overall… emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc… and it’s kind of nice, I suppose. Emotionally, I had a pretty tiring weekend. I had to drive by where the accident took place (which was 5 minutes from where I used to live) which that too, was difficult. Doing the drive back that way and knowing it’s no longer my home sweet home, was really sad.

Sad indeed…

I have a lot of unresolved anger too… surrounding the accident, surrounding my home, surrounding Martin… I’m mad that my best friend did what he did to me. And, knowing I no longer have a best friend. That part is really sad…

But, it’s a part of moving on.

Spiritually, I’m exhausted. But I’m also seeking again which is good. It’s a personal thing and so, I won’t really talk about it here….

And, physically… my back/neck KILLED me from the drive this past weekend. But this week, it’s feeling better. Well, that’s a lie. Some things are feeling better, others feeling worse… but the things feeling worse are because it’s getting better. Hard to explain but essentially the healing of the back works in reverse. So, whatever hurt first, is what heals last. Make sense?  And sometimes, you need to ‘re-feel’ the hurt of those injuries in order for them to get better.

So, overall? It’s feeling better. But short term? It still hurts. Grrrrr….

My sleep the past few nights hasn’t been great. I wake up feeling exhausted, sore and really tired — sometimes cranky. Not exactly sure why but I’m suspecting my neck isn’t getting the support it needs and I end up waking stiff. I’m going to try sleeping a different way tonight (my “old” way) and see if it works. I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow….

I’m discouraged with the army stuff this week. Essentially there’s no way in hell I’ll get my trade or any of my two back-up choices in the regular forces. That sucks goats big time. So, I will likely have to go reserves for a year. *sigh* There’s nothing I can do about it… except, keep praying and hope that something turns up.

I also need to get motivated for this again. My confidence took a big nose dive the past month… I need to get re-centred mentally for this.

Anyways… that’s all I really feel like writing tonight. I’m tired… and my warm, cozy bed awaits!

Take care guys and we’ll chat again soon, eh?

February 5th, 2010 | Category: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The past month since the accident, I’ve been a non-stop piggy. I gained/lost weight. I retained/lost water. I exercise like a mo-fo so it’s been good… I mean, I coulda gained easily 20 pounds this month. I shoulda, actually.

But, I couldn’t figure out WHY I’ve been eating like a piggy. I’m not usually a stress eater. I usually eat out of boredom. And, believe me! I haven’t been BORED.

Then, it dawned on me after I plowed through a big meal and then had more and more and more food.

My headaches!

Several years ago I had low blood sugar because I was on the pill. When you have low blood sugar, you get headaches and then you eat.  I learned to gauge my blood-sugar levels based on my headache levels — my tell-tale sign.

Well… I’ve been eating non-stop because of my headaches. Why didn’t I figure this out sooner? The percocets don’t always help and the toradol doesn’t alway help either. Together today, they aren’t helping. And, I’ve been eating like there is no tomorrow!

Sheesh. How did I earn my degree again?

So, I gotta get this sorted out. I need to convince my brain that the pain is just pain and that it isn’t blood-sugar related and that I don’t need to eat a horse in order to get better! That’s what I’ll be workin’ on the next little while!

And, how are things in your part of the world?

January 28th, 2010 | Category: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Back when my car first got hit, I knew insurance would be there to cover the cost of a replacement vehicle of equal cost.

That’s a lie. It doesn’t work that way, not really.

What they do is try and screw you out of money. A lot of it. Never mind that you paid thousands of dollars in premiums over the years, they’ll bilk you. The reasonable, safe driver gets screwed financially when the asshole drunk driver hits your car and destroys it, while THEIR vehicle sustains no damage.

And with no fault insurance, it goes under MY insurance. Which means, drunk asshole guy might get a little bit higher premiums but he doesn’t lose out financially and doesn’t have to claim responsibility for his dumb ass actions.

Instead, MY insurance company tries to low-ball me and avoid paying me as much as they can.

Proof in point…. after taking 14 days to just LOOK at my vehicle, they give me an estimate of $16000 to repair my car plus 22 days to do it. But, it’s been determined to be unfixable which means, they purchase the vehicle from you with a claim settlement.

Their “preliminary offer” was $6300. I laughed. A few days later they come back with their first official offer.

$7000.

Still not good enough for me. I can not find ANYWHERE my same vehicle, same mileage, same everything for $7000.  I counter-offer with a number of $12265. This is based on facts that I found.

They counter-offer my counter-offer with $7400.

I say no. And I offer MORE documentation on the weekend which their appraiser looked at today.

They change their $7400 offer to $8500.  Obviously, the appraiser agreed with me and made a HUGE leap of $1100. I’m not retarded, thank you very much!

Plus, the insurance pays back some of the insurance from your original vehicle based on the settlement offer… which works out to a total of $9605. That’s only $395 off what my original request of $10 000.

I did good. Damn good.

And I’m happy with it. I’d be happier with my old car But… it is what it is.

I feel I won… the little guy won in this case!

Now? Negotiations begin with the new vehicle. My problem is financing it… I have to figure a way to pay for the new car which is slightly higher in price… but is newer and safer and bigger. Everything that I like….

Wish me luck guys! Pictures to follow, very very soon!

January 26th, 2010 | Category: Uncategorized | Comments (1)

Believe it or not, I think I have breached the edge of insanity. Pure, unadulterated insanity.  I’m a sick, sick person.

Today on the way to a coffee date with a very handsome, smart, intelligent man… all I could think about was… will I have time to get the gym? I want to run!

Okay, don’t get too ahead of yourself. I still don’t LIKE running. I especially do NOT like running indoors on a treadmill. But, I do like the feeling of progress. And I just couldn’t wait to get my ass to the gym.

Sick I tell you!

I think I have finally settled on which vehicle to purchase. My insurance claim isn’t yet settled but fuck it, I’m going to be stuck with another huge-ass car payment for a while. My mom has graciously allowed me to purchase the vehicle on her credit card, which isn’t the greatest thing in the world to do… but honestly? I’m stuck. I have no choice. I can’t get financing approval right now and I don’t want to ask my mom to purchase it under her name… I’m certain I can get it paid off faster this way anyways and will give me a great incentive to get through boot-camp so I can pay the bills, hahaha!

Here is the latest entry on what exactly is going on with my application and what my intentions are going to be over the next little while: http://www.my-basic-training.com/archives/500

I have my Plan A on there… and my Plan A version 2.0. I refuse to have a Plan B…. and really? My Plan A version 2.0 still has the same ultimate goal… joining the army. Plan B means failure… and I will NOT fail to join the army. It’s as clear as that. No failure

So what kind of car am I going to get? It’s a 2007 Dodge Caliber. It has some funky red interior which was special ordered… I’m not crazy about the red block on the seats (you’ll see if/when I get it!) but the rest of it? I can definitely live with. Sadly, it is NOT standard but this is the only automatic I tried that I wouldn’t mind dealing with.

The cost of the vehicle is $13000. However, he said he will try to get it for me, for 10K. That’s REALLY stretching my budget. That means I will need to (at this point) borrow almost $6500 from my mom. I can not tell you HOW shitty that makes me feel. Plus the interest on the credit card?

But, let me tell you WHY this is most likely my best way/avenue.

#1) I can not purchase a “decent” vehicle for $3500. It can’t happen. I’ve looked. I’ve tried. It just isn’t possible.

#2) If I purchased a cheaper vehicle, it will have to be standard AND much older than a 2005. This makes trading in for my next vehicle, that much more difficult — both in the way of age AND the fact it was a standard.

#3) This dealership KNOWS I really want to get a Mazda Tribute perhaps by the end of the year or early next year, when I am in a financially better situation with starting my new job, etc. and they know that this vehicle is a good trade-in vehicle. Likely it will be sitting on their lot, in a year or less. And they know they can sell it again.

#4) If for some reason, I can’t  afford the Tribute in my timeframe? This is definitely a vehicle I can hang-on to for a few more years and be content with.

So, the overall jist of everything is… I need a job, fast. I need to also do some freelance work, fast. I may even *gasp* agree to do some Educational Assistant work! But, I won’t teach a class right now… I didn’t even pay for the license this year… (well, I did but, I didn’t submit all the paperwork for it thanks to martin not opening my mail when I was gone and allowing it to expire without the submitted documentation, grrrr)

I’m gonna be alright. I know I will be. Life will be okay, won’t it?

Of course it will!

Please pray and send good thoughts my way, that I can actually get that vehicle for $10K. I’m holding onto hope…

January 25th, 2010 | Category: Uncategorized | Leave a comment