Things are turning around….
The past few days I’ve noticed a nice big difference in terms of how I am feeling overall… emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc… and it’s kind of nice, I suppose. Emotionally, I had a pretty tiring weekend. I had to drive by where the accident took place (which was 5 minutes from where I used to live) which that too, was difficult. Doing the drive back that way and knowing it’s no longer my home sweet home, was really sad.
Sad indeed…
I have a lot of unresolved anger too… surrounding the accident, surrounding my home, surrounding Martin… I’m mad that my best friend did what he did to me. And, knowing I no longer have a best friend. That part is really sad…
But, it’s a part of moving on.
Spiritually, I’m exhausted. But I’m also seeking again which is good. It’s a personal thing and so, I won’t really talk about it here….
And, physically… my back/neck KILLED me from the drive this past weekend. But this week, it’s feeling better. Well, that’s a lie. Some things are feeling better, others feeling worse… but the things feeling worse are because it’s getting better. Hard to explain but essentially the healing of the back works in reverse. So, whatever hurt first, is what heals last. Make sense? And sometimes, you need to ‘re-feel’ the hurt of those injuries in order for them to get better.
So, overall? It’s feeling better. But short term? It still hurts. Grrrrr….
My sleep the past few nights hasn’t been great. I wake up feeling exhausted, sore and really tired — sometimes cranky. Not exactly sure why but I’m suspecting my neck isn’t getting the support it needs and I end up waking stiff. I’m going to try sleeping a different way tonight (my “old” way) and see if it works. I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow….
I’m discouraged with the army stuff this week. Essentially there’s no way in hell I’ll get my trade or any of my two back-up choices in the regular forces. That sucks goats big time. So, I will likely have to go reserves for a year. *sigh* There’s nothing I can do about it… except, keep praying and hope that something turns up.
I also need to get motivated for this again. My confidence took a big nose dive the past month… I need to get re-centred mentally for this.
Anyways… that’s all I really feel like writing tonight. I’m tired… and my warm, cozy bed awaits!
Take care guys and we’ll chat again soon, eh?